I love all the feedback! As well as I love reading the potential future novels out there. I wonder if all of us banded together and published ourselves and promised to purchase each others books how we would do. :) I can't stand getting pulled into these amazing stories and then only getting the query and the first pages...I'm screaming for MORE!!!!!
I hope I took the advice so graciously given and I hope this is better. Let me know. LOVE, LOVE , LOVE the feedback (even if it is bad :) )
Emma’s life was far from perfect. The foster care system had made sure of that.
Unfamiliar with love she was quick to
fall for Luke, the bad boy of her group home.
But even she knew love wasn’t on the receiving end of an angry fist. When her best friend tries to help and is
killed, her world is turned upside down.
How could she have predicted her best friend was really her bodyguard
and she was the protector of sacred powers of a Native American God.
Pulled into a world of Native American legend
Emma gets a rude introduction to Skinwalkers; witches who alter their shape to
wreak havoc on humans. And discovers Luke, is one of them. Emma’s
dreams are haunted as Luke stalks her, waiting until the time is right to
reclaim his powers. Introduced to Solomon, the Shoalwaters’ young
medicine man, Emma is offered his protection. But knowing one wrong move can
trigger Luke’s violence, she refuses their connection. Emma is forced to
face her abuser and accept the powers she’s been bestowed or lose the chance to
live and love again. IT’S YOU is a NA Romance, telling the
story of healing, with a supernatural thread driving the story. It is
complete at 96,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
A minion here, I read all 3 of your queries and like the premise. I was just a little confused as to what the story is mainly about. I think maybe too many characters jump out at me. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteAnother minion here, but I have no right to speak. If you've seen my query -- I'm a lost cause, well my query is. :)
ReplyDeleteHi, Connie! Great to see you here!
ReplyDelete1. Queries should be written in present tense
2. Emma’s life was far from perfect. The foster care system had made sure of that. Unfamiliar with love [comma] she was quick to fall for Luke, [delete Luke and add after group home] the bad boy of her group home. But even she knew love wasn’t on the receiving end of an angry fist. When her best friend tries to help [help is so vague. use a more descriptive word] and is killed, her world is turned upside down [this isn't emotional enough]. How could she have predicted her best friend [gender drop here, to avoid saying best friend twice within a breath of each other] was really her bodyguard and she was the protector of sacred powers of a Native American God.
Pulled into a world of Native American legend [comma] Emma gets a rude introduction to Skinwalkers; [delete semi colon and insert em dash] witches who alter their shape to wreak havoc on humans. [delete period, insert em dash, remove the capital letter off 'And'] And discovers Luke, [remove comma] is one of them.
Emma’s dreams are haunted as Luke stalks her, waiting until the time is right to reclaim his powers. Introduced to Solomon [might want to be a little more descriptive of how she's intro'd to Solomon], the Shoalwaters’ young medicine man, Emma is offered his protection. But knowing one wrong move can trigger Luke’s violence, she refuses their connection [their connection is too vague for what happens in this story]. Emma is forced to face her abuser and accept the powers she’s been bestowed or lose the chance to live and love again. [There's not enough punch to this last sentence!]
IT’S YOU is a NA Romance, telling the story of healing, with a supernatural thread driving the story. It is complete at 96,000 words.